Welcome to the month of December! How do you feel so far about it? Did you put up a Christmas tree or another symbol of this time of year? This year, I can’t seem to find the motivation to put all that stuff up again. I guess I’m starting to feel as though by doing it, I’m giving in to something I’m not ready to give in to…time.
What if I’m not ready to move forward? I realize the answer might be the following: Because time will move forward whether you want it to or not, Deb. But if that’s the case, then each day should be a celebration rather than once a year…right? This eliminates a lack of gratitude for every other day that isn’t THE DAY. Honestly, I don’t understand what that means, but I think it means that I don’t want to follow the herd this year. Get ready for a blog post that’s more like a stream of consciousness my friends.
What if I need more time? More time to think about what I want next, or more time to accept that not much changed this year but the amount of grey hair on my head? But maybe a lot changed and I’m not seeing it. I might need some more time to really see it. So New Year, do me a favor and chill out. Please hold off a bit. By putting up the tree and decorating the house, I’m almost saying…let’s go…I’m ready for another ride on the ferris wheel. But what if I like it up here? I like the possibilities. Let’s keep them endless okay?
Maybe the problem is that it’s a ferris wheel. Maybe I need to get on another ride that’s more exciting and different? Or maybe it’s just the view…my perspective. Yeah, that resonates more. But I do like rollercoasters. Anyhow, I recently wrote a blog post about the midlife crisis – this is definitely starting to sound like one.
So this year, I’m the one considering which aspects of the holiday I want to welcome and enjoy. I’m finding my own meaning, and I’m choosing to focus on those rather than feeling pressured to follow traditions that don’t resonate with my current state of mind. Oh wow, I’m such a rebel aren’t I? I’m treating the coming of the new year like it’s another day. Whaaaaat? I’m so empowered.
Sure enough, it’s still coming…the end of the year. I guess it’s good to be able to say that I’m still alive…but am I kicking? Sure I’m kicking, but my knee hurts. This aging thing is annoying. There’s all these conflicts. For example, I can’t stay up as late as before, but I can’t stay asleep either. I want to skate in a bowl, but I can’t afford any more broken parts.
Am I the only one? Or is everyone really “living their best life”? Do you fake it to make it? I mean, I get it. We can’t all be out there whining like babies, but at what point are we being genuine and at what point are we trying to prove something? And who are we trying to prove it to? Ma’am…ma’am. Calm down.
All these memoirs I’ve been reading and listening to are reminding me of how the weight of time and memory can either make you or break you. Sadly for some of us, it breaks us…and we spend the rest of our lives trying to put ourselves back together again. Is it wasted time or is it simply life that’s lived? Who says life is suppose to be enjoyed anyways? Perhaps that’s the problem…the expectation of enjoyment…all the time.
Maybe we need to remind ourselves that life is just meant to be lived and everything else is a plus. Maybe the whole point of Humpty Dumpty is the realization that life is about allowing ourselves the permission to break sometimes, so long as we can put ourselves back together again. A child’s story meant for the ages. Why does this matter? Because it makes us ask the great questions. Questions that go beyond the self, beyond the material and basic.
It all started (meaning the memoirs) with Britney Spears’ “The Woman in Me”, and then Matthew Perry’s audiobook, “Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing: A Memoir.” What resonates from these stories is a common thread – the origin of many of our challenges lies in our relationships. Whether familial, romantic, professional, or friendly, the connections we form, especially during our formative years, shape the voids and needs within us.
These memoirs emphasize that the relationships we cultivate, particularly with those who influence us in crucial phases, contribute significantly to the voids we attempt to fill. Most of these voids stem either from relational dynamics or how we perceive ourselves based on various situations, predominantly involving relationships. In its essence, the term “relationship” describes how our relations with others connect us to parts of ourselves – this word illustrates the intricate interplay between our inner selves and the external world.
Most importantly, we are born into this world with voids waiting to be filled by others since we can’t fill them ourselves. We are at the mercy of others to fill them. Our need for sustenance and affection. How those voids are filled can shape us and determine how we will treat our neighbor 20 years down the line. These voids we sometimes try to fill in destructive ways through our own behaviors, substances, and with immaterial things like fortune and fame.
How do we deal with these voids “responsibly”? How do we forgive others for helping create them? And how do we get out of spirals they create when the momentum is so intense? Do we have to fall to the bottom or can we pull ourselves out?
Matthew Perry’s memoir had an impact on me. If you read it, you might understand why. It’s pretty intense and he’s completely transparent, which is refreshing. It perfectly describes the void and how it can eat you away if you don’t feed it right. I recommend hearing it from Matthew himself through the Audible version. There’s something about hearing it from the very person that experienced it that connects so much more with your soul…but specifically Matthew.
Although I delved into Britney’s book through text rather than audio, I could still hear her voice in my head with each word I read. Her experience paints a picture of how the world has a tendency to destroy those with good hearts, simply because they expect the best from others without preparing for the worst.
I’m currently listening to “Greenlight”s by Matthew Mcconaughey. Look at that, another Matthew. Anyways, I won’t get deeper into these memoirs so you can check them out for yourself.
But yeah, I’ve been listening to them, mostly to help me understand the human struggle and different life experiences, particularly the universal one known as loneliness. Universal to all but remaining hidden from all. No matter how many people you surround yourself with, it can creep in…that nagging feeling. I guess it’s part of that void. But reading and listening to these memoirs connects me to these individuals, even if not physically somewhat emotionally. At times it makes that loneliness that feels like background static fade into the distance in an almost magical way. The sharing, without the filters…reminding me that it’s okay not to live your best life. Humanity. Sanity. That’s more like it.
The loneliness. Let’s talk about it some more. People are afraid to talk about loneliness. It may be seen as a weakness, a neediness…there’s a stigma there. Loneliness should not have to be justified, for it’s an inherent feeling. Felt more intensely at some times than others. But it’s there. The assumption is that those surrounded by people don’t feel it. All a misconception. No one knows what it’s like to be you. People can try to understand you all they want, but only way to do it is to be you. Being understood offers a cure, but this is temporary, as change can easily pull us away. We are united but separate. Therein lies the conflict. Maintaining connection in a disconnected world that is ironically always connected. Another one of life’s paradoxes.
Loneliness often yearns for illumination, seeking connection with something greater, be it God or a profound revelation – perhaps as unexpected as an alien invasion that thrusts you beyond the confines of self, uniting you with others in awe. No longer alone, a shared experience becomes a source of solace.
Yet, loneliness is not always a mere desire for connection; it’s also a profound need to comprehend, to feel whole. The understanding remains elusive, akin to a persistent cloud in your eye. You attempt to clear your vision, wiping away what seems like dirt on your glasses, only to realize it was always within your eye, distorting your perception. Frustration sets in as you reach for the answer, knowing it was there all along- the cure to the loneliness you feel. Share with others. Step outside yourself. See things in a new light.
Life has its on and off moments, and for the past few years a lot of re-evaluation has been happening in mine. Re-evaluation of priorities and life aspirations. A returning back to the beginning to find myself changed, but still mostly the same.
No more a time than the holidays to reminisce and find myself wanting to be somewhere new and get a new fresh perspective on things. To connect with new and different trains of thought. To break from a shell and a monotonous spirit. Perhaps it’s time for a new star on top of the Christmas tree. A longing to free myself from constraints of habitual thinking and behaving. It’s a rallying call to disrupt the status quo and invite change with open arms.
I’m reminded time and time again of that quote from Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.” Gratitude. A fleeting thing to the human mind. We grasp it and understand it for moments, days, and maybe even longer…to only watch it fade away and be replaced by the void. That human need for more and more.
Gratitude is the cure to many things, yet we want change and are told we should want it…all the time. So much conflicting information we are required to consolidate. Norms we try to eradicate and replace with our own identities. Let’s invent new formulas to happiness, ones that don’t require memberships. Anyhow, this was my December babble. It’s unorganized and sometimes unedited. Actually, scratch that, I’m too OCD for no editing. But one thing is for sure, it’s a stream – no brainstorm guaranteed.
So the solution to loneliness that I’m proposing this month is finding my people. I think finding your people is where it’s at. What I mean by this is finding those people that can resonate with you on a level that the current ones have not resonate with you. Not necessarily on a deeper level, but rather in different aspects where you might feel a void.
For me I figured it’s as simple as finding people that love skating as much as I do. Finding people that are crazy about lucid dreaming like I am. I think if I can find me some of those people to chat with now and then, I can feel understood on that level. And that’s that. It’s not a secret formula. It’s the basic get to know other people, but I guess I’m implying it should take some real research and actually meeting them in person if possible. At least once. The point is to disconnect and reconnect in person. Then if you want, reconnect online again.
No seriously, last month I was able to do this and it was awesome. I found people that were passionate about skating and that are fans of one of my favorite Youtubers. To top it off, we met the Youtuber and skated with him! I finally understand celebrity culture on some level. Strangers hanging around other strangers engaging in a sport with the other main stranger they’re a fan of. As corny as it sounds, that’s special!
Anyhow, it was fun while it lasted, but now I have to push myself to keep those moments going. So yeah, connecting with your people is so important to cure that human emotion we all feel called loneliness. There’s more to curing loneliness of course, it requires sifting through your mental closet. But I’m here to say that there’s nothing wrong with you. Don’t be ashamed to admit you feel it. Especially in this age of social media – consider it the pandemic of the century. Even greater than Covid.
Also, if you’re not quite at the place where you want to reach out and connect with others in person, try listening to a memoir. You’ll be surprised how it makes you feel connected to the person voicing it as they share their life story. You may find some similarities to your own.
That’s all folks. Hopefully I’ll find the holiday cheer soon. I’m already feeling lighter. Maybe I’ll put up that Christmas tree after all. Thanks for reading.
Yours truly,
The Dreaming Siren ❤️
